Dear HSM, today I have the ultimate post on relationships and why they often end in misery. Not that I would proclaim myself to be a relationship expert, I am not in the place to do that, but I have seen a strong pattern recently all around me in relationships of the people I know, and it deserves attention. Given that we HSM are more harmony-loving than non-HSM, we often find more fulfillment in relationships with a great partner. Yet, the human mating dance is not all logical and also depends on things like having fun, and most of all flirting and chemistry. The process that humans fall in love is very simply explained chemically and biologically, but that is not my area of focus. That takes the magic away from the process and I tend to believe it is more complex and romantic than that. Yet, what we just know is that when two people meet for a date, they either have chemistry or they don’t. We use innuendo, “insider jokes” that the other person picks up on when he or she passes the test, and that gives us a great sign of being understood. Yet, there is also quite an element of tension and excitement involved. And that is totally required in order to fall in love. Just like Elaine Aron and her husband show in some research, that when two people meet on the top of a hanging bridge, they are more likely to fall in love then when meeting on a park bench. Difference? Adrenaline –> Excitement! Well, what happens in long relationships, most likely especially for HSM and HSP is that we are so happy to finally have found someone who understands us special souls at a deep level, that we want to connect and bond at this level. That is great. But there’s more. There is still a need for tension, excitement and passion. There is a need for not knowing everything about the other person. And because you love each other, teasing and busting on each other just like you did in the beginning when you were doing those flirtatious grins and everything. Men sometimes lose their mojo in the course of a relationship as they move from hunter to provider and that is the sad story of most relationships until attraction is gone and people go appart. The title of this article comes from the fact that we fall in love realizing that we are soulmates, and we are soulmates more and more until the sexual attraction fades somewhat into boredom, and love becomes more intellectual than physical. There is nothing wrong with the first as long as there continues to exist the latter. Again, problem is when we realize just how much soulmates we are, we forget and get rid of other elements, like teasing and flirting or doing something exciting with each other. Instead we sit around on the couch and watch TV, while we could be having the time of our live in a dark wood climbing a hill with torches on our heads. If you have a soulmate at the moment and you’re really excited, just do yourself a favor! Do something exciting this week and enjoy it even more 🙂 – Chrisi
The Way of The Highly Sensitive Man
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