3 min read

Today we’ll talk about personal boundaries. Psychological concept when it comes to knowing what is “your business” and “where the buck stops” and somebody else’s “business” begins. Shortly, boundaries tell you what you should care about and focus on and what is actually outside your sphere of influence. As you might have guessed, personal boundaries can be extremely challenging for the highly sensitive man. Since we are more in tune with the feelings of others, feel a lot of things at once and are more harmony-seeking, we will often focus on things or care about things that are actually outside of what we would call healthy personal boundaries. Why They Matter We are already more easily overwhelmed than non-HSM because we suck up more impressions and stimuli all day long, no matter where we are or what we are doing. When we then go ahead and also get involved in many things that are not ours to get involved in, we only create more stress and drama in our own lives. Of course this is hard, because we feel other’s needs more and that makes it hard to say no. Yet, remember that HSM need to look even more than others to make sure that we get our time to relax, let go and reflect. First we need to make sure that we are doing well, then we can take care of others as well. Personal Boundaries in RelationshipsThere are actually two dimensions to this

  • For the relationship
  • Within the relationship
  • For the relationship

When you are in a romantic relationship, of course it is important then that you make sure you have enough time and energy to be present and happy in the relationship and with your partner. When you repeatedly have time for all of your friends, because you feel you owe them and you need to help them, while your partner is sitting at home and stressedly missing you (“the good friend who is there for everyone”), then your partner’s resentment for you might start to build. Do this for a longer time and you might create serious problems inside your relationship. Admit that when you are in the relationship, you will not have so much time for your friends as you had before. But that is just the nature of things, and you have to consider this before you commit to a relationship.

  • Within the relationship

This is yet another level. Yes, we believe in romance and being intimately connected with your significant other. That is what we HSM excel in and can live up to the most romantic ideals that women have only had in their farily tale dreams, but never thought they would find in real life. But still you should focus on yourself again, first. You need to make sure that your life and stuff is taken care of, only then can you take care of the others too. And that also applies to your partner. When your partner’s problems become your problems entirely, nobody is really served. Of course, you should help them where you can, but also know that your partner’s problems with her family for example are not necessarily yours. Healthy judgment and a good self-esteem should help you decide where the boundaries are and what’s inside and what’s outside your sphere of influence and work. Next time we will talk about an important ingredient for healthy personal boundaries: SELF-ESTEEM.