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Are we HSM victims? Have we been cursed with a sensitivity that makes it hard to relate to so seemingly different people and especially other men? Has the HSP literature shown me that I am truly a victim or is there a better way? Dear HSM, thank you for tuning in again. Today I want to discuss the connection between being a Highly Sensitive Men and the victim mentality. Now what is the point here? It is so easy to see yourself as a victim if you are a highly sensitive man. After all, you probably are having or had a hard time with other boys at school or when you refused to fight back and might have been abused or ridiculed a lot because of it. While all the jerks were getting and dating the beautiful girls that you were interested in but probably too shy to ask out on a date, you were sitting there and after being ridiculed by the guys were even looked at strangely by some girls that went with the tenor of the class jerks. So you have read the great books by Elaine Aron, Ted Zeff and other writers and you have finally found yourself. Now many things make sense – it is your sensitivity, that is why you remember conversations better than your friends, that is why you can’t sleep well in a noisy environment, that is why you can’t seem to be content with a girl that is good looking – you need a deeper connection and some of your friends laugh at the fact that you always make dating so difficult. You might conclude that there are others out there like you – you are not the only one who has suffered. You are not the only one that is a victim. There are other victims too and together you might share your sufferings. Or Is There A Better Way? Now by all means, some HSM might have suffered more than others and if there serious trauma has occurred, by all means do I encourage people to go and get professional help by a psychotherapist to get a handle on lingering issues. But I am also convinced there is a better way. You see, I love all the books that have been written on the HSP topic. You name the authors, there is so much great work out there. And I have read every book I could get my hands on. Yet there is one persisting theme that has always left me a bit dissatisfied. The Problem with Coping Strategies Every tip that has been given on coping is useful and should be adhered. Be it earplugs, working from home instead of the office, avoiding rush hours, staying in quieter places and areas are all beautiful tips and have their value. But there is a missing step. Coping just seems like you need to cover up something that you have, like you have some kind of handicap that you need to overcome by going extra steps. But your sensitivity is not just a curse you have been given that you need to cope with in your life. And I believe that the current literature has focused too much on coping strategies and how to take into account your sensitivity, but not born the idea that your sensitivity can actually be something that you can really use and tap into. That is where I would like to focus more. You Have Suffered, But Are You A Victim? You see, it is hard to say that all is fine and nothing is a problem when you have suffered for years because of your sensitivity. In schools, in college, at the workplace, maybe also in partnerships. Frankly said there might have been many bad trials in your life because of your sensitivity. But to conclude that you are a victim of your sensitivity and can’t do anything about it is wrong and dangerous. It stunts you into always seeing yourself as weak and having to cope all the time. It keeps you from using what you have been given, which can truly be a gift. If you choose to make it that. I encourage you to let go of the victim mentality immediately. Don’t use all the methods out there to just clear your past and overcome the sufferings you have gone through. Yes, it is important to work them over and go through them. But there is also a point in your future where you want to be free from the sufferings of the past and feel better and especially empowered because of your sensitivity. Maybe it sounds like a stretch, but it is truly possible. And the necessary step is to let go of the victim mentality. Do everything you need to take your sensitivity into account and cope in a potentially overwhelming world. But also harbor and protect the precious idea in your mind that a day might come where you can live fully and happy exactly because you are a Highly Sensitive Man. Let’s celebrate together! -Chrisi