We are often confronted with the typical stereotype of what it means to be “masculine” in a certain society. Yet, not only are stereotypes always generalized oversimplifications, they are also not accurate for every person. And deviating from the stereotype does not make you wrong, weird, or mean that you have a psychological disorder (even though some people might want to make you believe that). As a highly sensitive men – HSM – you will probably have a tendency to take longer time to make decisions than most men do. That point hit home with me recently when I went on a longer holiday trip with one of my best friends, who is more of a fast decider. From every decision we made about taking a trip, where to go out or when to go for lunch, as well as affording big luxuries his speed of making decisions impressed me quite a bit. While I also felt the unease inside of me that felt rushed by him and not willing to decide so fast about bigger things. That reminded me of what I read about decision making in books from the authors Aron and Ted Zeff. And it combined with a lot of what I had read on “what women look for in a man”, “what makes a man masculine” and the topic of the “wimp” or “wussy” man that is not very attractive to women. I had learnt too much about myself, and high sensitivity that I knew taking longer to make decisions would be a mistake on my part; nor would I allow that trait to make me feel wrong or weird for some reason. Moreover, I had come too much in touch with myself to realize that this is the way that I make decisions. But then how does that tie in with HSM that want to attract a woman into their life, when it seems that some or many of the HSM traits are not attractive or counter to what women want in a man? So the point is that women will still look for you to make decisions and know what you want. But the smart women, the really worthy ones that we want to chose, are the ones that will not only allow us to take time and make fast decisions, in fact they will demand of us to take that time, for she knows that an important decision cannot be made that fast. Too fast and frequent decisions could – so the hypothesis – not show too much confidence, but potentially an oversimplified, mundane model of the world that can never live up to magnificient reality. Tips for making decisions:

  1. Use a rational approach.
  2. Write things down.
  3. Take the time to be alone when making the decision.
  4. When you have done all else, listen to your inner intuition, and then decide what feels right.

While it seems that being an HSM is often an obstacle to meeting women, it actually is a roadmap to attracting the right ones. As the metaphor of using an obstacle as a stepping stone. It is not in your way, but it leads the way and helps you step it. Since I am passionate about this topic, I will write more on the topic of chosing the right partner for an HSM in future posts. – Chrisi Brand